I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
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We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
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I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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