It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
