i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
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I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
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I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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