NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
