and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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