She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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