btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
