I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
