My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
