My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I stole a fireplace last night.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
