i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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