Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
