I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
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I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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