I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
