I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
