After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
