We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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