i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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