So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
