Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
you never un-have a 4some
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
