the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
