My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
