the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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