Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
