If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
