i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
