i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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