You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
