Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
