What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
