My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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