I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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