I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
