I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize