I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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