How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
