I can tuck mytits in my pants
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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