you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
