Your tits are I can't wait for
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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