Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
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Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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