I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
