I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
