No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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