the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
