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I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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