The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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