So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
