You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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