it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
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Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
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You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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