I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The air taste purple.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
