I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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