I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The best revenge is premature balding
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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