Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
