He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
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He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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