I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
