When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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