So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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