i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
