I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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