My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize